Transitions

Life is a series of transitions. We're always moving from one season of life into another. Most transitions are gradual and come and go without upsetting our apple carts. They happen quietly and go mostly unnoticed. However, there are those transitions that do upset the apple cart and some turn that sucker upside down and rip the wheels right off. Sometimes the transition is expected so we are able, in our feeble way, to prepare for it. Other transitions are sudden, abrupt and give us no warning or time to prepare. Those are the ones that send me into a tailspin. I do NOT like those transitions. Well, I'm not really a fan of transition at all because that means change and if I wanted things to change, well...

I look back at my life and I don't remember transitioning into adulthood (maybe I never did and that's the problem -LOL) but I can promise you that my folks remember. I know that my mother recalls all those moments of transition. The years I spent establishing who I was going to be and what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it. I do recall we argued A LOT in the years of my transition from child to young adult. I just don't remember it as a transition...I remember it as my mom trying to ruin my life. ;) My poor dad spent most of those years being a referee/mediator. Now, when I recall those years, I see that it was a time of transition; one that my mom was fighting against and one that I was walking into with wide eyes of wonder and excitement. I think as parents, we all fight that transition. We want to keep our kids close so that we know they are ok but that's not how it works. We know that for God to do His thing in and through our children we have to let them go. UGH!!! It's hard to do but necessary.

Now I find myself on the parental side of the transition as my girl child is spreading her wings and becoming the young woman that God intends. It's waaaaay less fun on this side of that transition. I miss the car rides to and from practices and the nights laying on her bed listening to her tell me about everything going on. I miss being a part of the every day things. Knowing where she is, what she's doing and with whom. Our children go off to college and each time they return home they're a little more grown...a little more independent...a little less willing to share all the goings on and that makes me sad. However, it's exciting to see God at work in their lives...to watch as they become and do all that He has ordained them to become and do. It's most definitely a necessary albeit bittersweet season.

We're still adjusting to having a college kid and she's still adjusting to being a college kid. I couldn't be more proud of the way that our girl is navigating this season in her life. Her first semester of college was, at the very least, challenging. She arrived with a broken hand that just would not heal. She faced several obstacles that would have sent most 18 year olds home to mom and dad but not mine! She got up every day and took care of business...laid her fear and anxiety aside as best she could and worked her plan. She has done a great job "adulting" but I know that every day she "adults" moves her further from me and I know that this is the way it's supposed to be but I don't have to like it now do I?

I love every minute of being a mom to my two gifts! It's hard, exhausting, stressful but my, oh my it's THE best job EVER!! I know beyond any shadow of doubt that I have been a less the perfect mom...less than awesome...at times an absolute hot mess, but I can say that I've done my best to make sure my children know that they are loved...unconditionally.  No, I didn't take monthly pictures when they were babies. I couldn't volunteer in their classrooms the I would have liked because I am a working mom. I didn't homeschool. I didn't always write little love notes to put in lunches or backpacks. What I did do is love them. Listen to them. Discipline them and I've told them EVERY SINGLE DAY that I LOVE THEM! Even on the days that I want to strangle them :) they know I love them...because I TELL and SHOW THEM. I hope that someday, when they are old and gray that they will think of me and giggle remembering some silly something I did or said. I hope that the memories they carry with them are sweet and fun and GOOD! Most of all I pray that they can say, "My mom loved me with her whole being and pointed me toward Jesus." If that's all they get from me...that will be enough.